Aaylx
Warrior. poet. artist. Advocate for Freedom
-I should have loved you slower, but I could not reach you
-Your past, your history, it defines you but not for the better -That’s why it’s hard for you to connect with others for more than a brief period -Unavailable emotionally -The same young girl trying to raise herself, guarded, not fully trusting, because your parents were not dependable, not the caretakers you needed, that every child deserves -All too familiar with suffering, in its stead I wanted to share love, unconditional -But you’re survival mode engaged, snap judgement, quick to remove emotion...so distant...a defense mechanism...expressed subtly in body language, turning away, hiding your face, untalkative, unaffectionate, lack of conversation -By which you are aware and attempt to suppress with swigs of libations -Truth is no one needs it, a cup always half empty -A friend, in my time of need, mentored me, persistently pulled me from inside myself, taught me not to be afraid to feel, to share, to trust--the short guide to being a healthier person -I thought I could be that for you, but the harder I tried, the farther you retreated away -I never wanted you to feel cornered, placed neatly on display -I care not for perfection, but I shy not from challenge, and I believe the greatest works are accomplished by teams -Stressors triggered your reset--a default so cold, so callus, so removed -That’s okay -Pain leads to self-discovery, which yields to change and healing -A true measure of present, a new look to future -Beautiful but negative, smart but insecure, independent but angry -One day balance and peace all can achieve -Because when you want to be with someone, show them your best only to later take away -You’re afraid of intimacy, with a door that opens to close too frequently -How can anyone stay? -How can anyone ever be enough? -So unforgiving...despite what you say... -You loved me for me...for the qualities you found endearing: genuine, openness, trusting, fearlessly feeling, firm in convictions -But you were not ready, not committed, a passerby -You hurt me and before that you were already over me -I deserve to be happy too -I have integrity, I have value -I make mistakes but I am brave -I know: -I am not my father -I don't need to hurt others to feel better about myself -I don't need to bury my problems behind drugs or a bottle -I don’t need to act out violence or perversion on loved ones -I don't need to manipulate to reach a selfish end game -I don’t need to withhold resources to feel needed -Excuses to abandon responsibilities -Growth, it’s a process, but on a trail I venture, I feel proud every time I glace back, leaving behind what fails to enable me forward -Because we are not our parents choices or the by-product of our environment -We are free...the only struggle is in re-defining ourselves...who we want to be - I don’t fault you -Not everyone can handle me, embrace my crazy -A personality larger than life, ambitions that rival dreams -Granted, I have insecurities I battle for me and another -A partner to enrich me, take the time to know me, be curious about me, be playful with my friends and my family, be excited to simply be with me, walk the high and low journey with me, and always reflecting in the other
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AuthorSeek strength and beauty in everything and the everyday. Live life as you are moving towards something greater. True growth is part of the human experience. Archives
June 2017
All Poems
"Our Rainbow"
"Letting Go" "In The Moment" "Heart Break" "Love Yourself First" "Timing Is Everything" "Angry Gains" "Dream, Remember" "Authentic Love" "The Moon & The Tide" "The Sun & The Wind" "Disappointment" "Scared" "Fight & Pray" "1 Night, 1 Stand" "Pastor Of Peace" "Kiss To Last" "Situationship" "Next Step" "Wrong Direction" "Wait, Stay" "Toxicity" "I Don't Always" "Don't Say" **Scroll to the bottom of the page and click on "Previous" to see other poems!!** |