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    • Poetry / Spoken Word >
      • Kylila >
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      • Aaylx
      • Greg Dreifus
      • TQ
      • Venus Jones
    • Visual Art
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      • Brown Ballerina
      • The Uncondemned
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      • The Peaceful Republic
      • Sammecia
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Aaylx

Warrior. poet. artist. Advocate for  Freedom

"Letting Go"

2/25/2016

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-When you are not as emotionally invested, keener observations yield meaningful reflection
-You are not healthy for me
-You are not good for me
-When you first met me, you put up a façade, a fraud doing just enough to maintain the illusion
-But I have seen the very worst of you, which kept me in a suspended period of confusion
-That is not how I deserve to be treated, a mismatch of respect and compassion I delivered daily 
-I can't believe that seeing your face and hearing your voice used to make me so
happy
-Parts of you are so selfish, you don’t look inside yourself truly to be objective
-That anxiety, that resentment, it’s of your own design
-All this time, trying to be someone you are not ready to be
-Beauty and charm only carry so far before prospects finally see you for what you are
-You are not fully together, you care not to address (only to project) insecurities, explore (isolate) feelings, transform (stay) uncertainties
-You want success but slow to put work to idle hands to achieve it
-You sampled my strength—the protector, the nurturer
-You tried to destroy the me I deliberately refined, the life I willfully created
-Your path, it's in the opposite direction
-You made your choice, and I won’t be your fall back
-Maybe one day you will regret and redirect
-But that’s of no consequence to me
-And really you did me a favor
-You’re the best thing that never happened to me


A failed relationship is a failed project. Some people say there is no party at fault…but that is not true, they are both at fault. A relationship is a bond of mutual respect, commitment, and communication. Why ask for a relationship if that not what you really want? There are people that expect things to be easy. The moment they realize how much work it will take to build and maintain a relationship, they are no longer interested. What is worse is that these same folks will string their partner along, withholding their own feelings, and not communicate their lack of sincerity.  Then they will use a combination of “little things” to rationalize their own reactions and deflect their own responsibility for failure (it is the situation, not me). How ironic is for someone to desire trust and loyalty, but at the same time continue to lie to their partner? The lie being going through the motions everyday and allowing the other person to become more and more invested in the relationship. The act is selfish and cruel, regardless on intent. On the opposite side of the spectrum, you have folks that will jump headfirst into relationships without a lifejacket/helmet (i.e. personal protective equipment) and “go with the flow”. Is that brave or is that negligent? When you trust and love this way what is the probability of success? This is where smart people make dumb choices. They get so swept up by the ragging rapids of emotion, and neglect to see the disconnect in the other person’s morals and values. Selecting someone with potential is an unnecessary risk when they do not demonstrate the ability to respond to feedback, consistently make mature decisions, or see how their choices impact others (second and third order effects). It is dumb to believe you can shoulder other’s problems or love someone who is not producing the same investment. No amount of word or deed of compassion is going to make someone love you…anymore than word or deed is going to make someone reflect, grow, and change. That is a process only the individual can work through. If an individual is receptive of support and perspective of others, the transition(s) can occur more rapidly and holistically.
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"In The Moment"

2/23/2016

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-I first met you on August 14
-On the back of a four wheeler, hair down, under a ball cap, wearing faded jeans
-You smiled at me, at each other, two pretty girls attracted with one another
-At pond in a small pocket of Missouri country
-We sat, we fished, we laughed, we talked
-So simple, so cute
-Wanting to know more about each other, candid
-Finding comfort in being next to one another, appreciated
-A flare fire at sunset, living the cliché
-In the moment, time seized to matter
-Charmed by her, so open, so flattered
-Bass tugging on the line, I hooked one in, a little catch
-Once a contention remained, if you let it go or it simply got away
-Over six months later, guess I finally got that answer today
 

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"Heart Break"

2/22/2016

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 -A pain so consuming, a grieving felt so deeply
-I gave my entirety
-I gave the very best of me
-But in the end, so unkindly received
-How could you love me, then leave me?

-I wish I could hate you
-But I can’t because I still have love for you
-So much is lost, so much you forgot
-All what remains are memories?
 
-An aching, a burning
-My very soul churning
-Ripping the essence from me
-Rejecting the center of me
 
-Something I thought was so special
-To you so negligible
-Nurtured something beautiful
-Only to discard so arbitrarily
 
-Why can’t the force that brought us together keep us together?
-Why can’t friction be a source of growth, motivate each of us to be better people?
-Why can’t we find value in difference, don’t all souls crave balance?
-Why can’t we be forgiving, love unselfishly?


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Chorus:

​-My heart is breaking, crying
​-I can't breathe, I can't sleep
-​Folded at the waist, clutching my chest, questioning everything
​-How can this be? Why is this happening to me?
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"Love Yourself First"

2/16/2016

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​-I can’t help you but I wish so much I could
-The love of another, alone, is not enough unless you love yourself totally, love yourself first

-Love yourself enough to let go of pain--the foundation of all anger and sadness
-Love yourself enough to face and work through all what follows

-I was always your friend first...supporting, listening, searching to understand you
-But you held on to little negatives, collecting reasons to halt progress, not seeing or believing the growing positives
-I wish things could have been different, but the only person that stopped trying was you

-The way you left me, resonates an absence of maturity
-I spoke, I shared in a last attempt to get you to see what is hindering you from being free, but you chose self-preservation, clutching tightly to shield

-My heart will always love you, but my mind knows there is nothing else I can do for you...
-Even though I so desperately want you to find happiness, heal the child in you, empower the woman in you

-Strength is earned through discipline--engagements that challenge the essence of our being
-Happiness is achieved through balance--surrendering to a sense of peace

​-Love is strength, love is happiness...but it must be in you first
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"Timing Is Everything"

2/15/2016

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-​I should have loved you slower, but I could not reach you
-Your past, your history, it defines you but not for the better

-That’s why it’s hard for you to connect with others for more than a brief period
-Unavailable emotionally
-The same young girl trying to raise herself, guarded, not fully trusting, because your parents were not dependable, not the caretakers you needed, that every child deserves
-All too familiar with suffering, in its stead I wanted to share love, unconditional
-But you’re survival mode engaged, snap judgement, quick to remove emotion...so distant...a defense mechanism...expressed subtly in body language, turning away, hiding your face, untalkative, unaffectionate, lack of conversation
-By which you are aware and attempt to suppress with swigs of libations
-Truth is no one needs it, a cup always half empty

-A friend, in my time of need, mentored me, persistently pulled me from inside myself, taught me not to be afraid to feel, to share, to trust--the short guide to being a healthier person
-I thought I could be that for you, but the harder I tried, the farther you retreated away
-I never wanted you to feel cornered, placed neatly on display
-I care not for perfection, but I shy not from challenge, and I believe the greatest works are accomplished by teams

-Stressors triggered your reset--a default so cold, so callus, so removed
-That’s okay
-Pain leads to self-discovery, which yields to change and healing
-A true measure of present, a new look to future

-Beautiful but negative, smart but insecure, independent but angry
-One day balance and peace all can achieve
-Because when you want to be with someone, show them your best only to later take away
-You’re afraid of intimacy, with a door that opens to close too frequently
-How can anyone stay?
-How can anyone ever be enough?
-So unforgiving...despite what you say...

-You loved me for me...for the qualities you found endearing: genuine, openness, trusting, fearlessly feeling, firm in convictions
-But you were not ready, not committed, a passerby
-You hurt me and before that you were already over me

-I deserve to be happy too
-I have integrity, I have value
-I make mistakes but I am brave

-I know:
-I am not my father
-I don't need to hurt others to feel better about myself
-I don't need to bury my problems behind drugs or a bottle
-I don’t need to act out violence or perversion on loved ones
-I don't need to manipulate to reach a selfish end game
-I don’t need to withhold resources to feel needed
-Excuses to abandon responsibilities

-Growth, it’s a process, but on a trail I venture, I feel proud every time I glace back, leaving behind what fails to enable me forward
-Because we are not our parents choices or the by-product of our environment
-We are free...the only struggle is in re-defining ourselves...who we want to be

- I don’t fault you
-Not everyone can handle me, embrace my crazy
-A personality larger than life, ambitions that rival dreams
-Granted, I have insecurities I battle for me and another

​-A partner to enrich me, take the time to know me, be curious about me, be playful with my friends and my family, be excited to simply be with me, walk the high and low journey with me, and always reflecting in the other
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"Angry Gains"

2/3/2016

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-Angry gains
-We lift as we try to remove pain from our lives
-Off the floor, pulling, heavy at our chest
-As we breathe, our fibers spasm
-Taking every bit of energy to push the weight up and away from our self
-It burns, we're so tired of hurting, but we won't give in
-Our cries, our screams​
​-Some louder than others, but we will not be overcome​​
​-We drive on so we become stronger, one day, one repetition, at a time
-Inhale what we need to thrive, exhale what we need let die
-Our greatest failure is trying to live through or feel validated by others
-Your reflection, your image
-You own it, you control it​​​​​​​
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    Author

    Seek  strength and beauty in everything and the everyday. Live life as you are moving towards something greater. True growth is part of the human experience. 

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    All Poems

    "Our Rainbow"
    "Letting Go"

    "In The Moment"
    "Heart Break"
    ​"Love Yourself First"
    "Timing Is Everything"
    "Angry Gains"
    ​"Dream, Remember"
    ​"Authentic Love"
    ​"The Moon & The Tide"
    ​"The Sun & The Wind"
    "Disappointment"
    "Scared"
    "Fight & Pray"

    "1 Night, 1 Stand"
    "Pastor Of Peace"
    "Kiss To Last"
    
    "Situationship"
    "Next Step"
    "Wrong Direction"
    "Wait, Stay"
    "Toxicity"
    "I Don't Always"
    "Don't Say"

    **Scroll to the bottom of the page and click on "Previous" to see other poems!!**

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