The Monster in Me

The monster in me, 
I cannot escape myself. 
These strong feelings of intense joy, anger, guilt, responsibility. 
I am sensitive to my surroundings, 
and those people who frequent my domicile. 

Intensity pushes work. 
It yields an abundance of stress.  Wondering when will I be good enough? 
Justifying when , where , and how I rest. 

The monster in me, 
reminds me that I am human. 
that I need help, 
that life is a struggle to maintain balance. 
To conquer the world, we must first conquer ourselves. 

The monster in me, 
can sometimes sound like the harsh words of disapproval, 
the disempowerment of women,
the self righteous zealot , the grudge holding racist, or that annoying troll. 

The monster in me, 
is a generational trauma that has deep roots in my ethnicity. 
It was watered in broken homes. It was fed through addiction . 
It was tricked into believing what is slavery, was freedom.
Its loyalty,
 fights to influence the good part of me. 

The monster in me, 
can sometimes hurt those I love. 
Because hurt people hurt people, and we are all recovering. 
And in our recovery
 we may need silence. 
we may need acceptance and patience.
We may need a God who doesn't resemble
 the monster in me. 

- K. Kylila Bullard 

Copyright 2015  
Please  do not reproduce with out written, or an emailed approval from the author ( Kylila Bullard of Poetic Change) of this poem.